Conflicts and Nonviolent Communication

At my early childhood setting, I was dealing with a child who exhibited challenging behavior. This child was only 2 years old and he would throw toys across the room, hit, push, kick, and bite the other children and teachers. I redirect the child to another area of the room and speak with him in a firm voice, “No Hitting,” “No Biting,” and he would smile and laugh in my face. I would continue to redirect him away from the other children in the classroom and state in a firm voice that his behavior is not acceptable. When he became oral and mouthed toys, I offered him a chew tube for him to chew on instead of the toys. It would help for a short time and I would try to sit with him during this time and read a story. I even speak with his mom on many occasions about his behavior and would ask if she had noticed any of these behaviors at home.  She would tell me that he does not act like that at home, but on a few occasions has attempted to bite her. I asked her what she would do when he would bite her. She would tell me, “No Biting.” Over time, I continued to work with him on understanding his emotions and model appropriate behaviors when interacting with his peers and teachers. Then I noticed his behavior increased in I continued to implement the same techniques that have been working with him for some time. This time they did not work for him. I spoke with his mom about it and I was able to get her permission for a Mental Health Consultant from Early Intervention come to the program and make an observation. She agreed and the consultant came to observe the child and offered the suggestion to help him overcome his emotional outbursts. I would use these suggestions on top of the techniques I was using to him again. I would offer sensory activities: play dough, goop, paint, finger paint to help him calm his body. I would offer the chew tube when he began to mouth the toys and I would try my best to give him extra hugs and one-on-one time to support his social-emotional development and his self-regulation. One day he threw a toy at another child and the sound it made was like the child broke his head open. It was not the case but loud enough to send the gut instinct through my body. I was shaken to my core at what happen when I was close by towards the children. It took this accident to finally get the support I needed as a teacher and the support needed for the child. My supervisor was well aware of the situation and concerns about this child and it took for an accident to happen to make the child receive the real help he needed. The child when to a different early childhood setting that is known as a Family Day Care Center.

I showed my compassion and patience with this child to offer him the support and guidance he was seeking out at dealing with his emotions. I worked very closely with his mom and ask questions to find out how she handles the situations at home, though I never got her to truly admit he was having these behaviors at home until she made a call to early intervention for him to be assessed. I used my compassion with this family to offer them the best support I could help the child learn ways to deal with his emotional outbursts in different settings. I even respected her responses when I would speak with her regarding the challenging behavior that was increasing over time. The Mom respected my efforts at helping her son overcome his emotional struggles and help him manage them in an appropriate manner. I have a close relationship with this family and I felt through this process that I had it more with the child compared to the mom. I shared my feelings and concerns with her and clearly stated to her the observations I had, feels, needs, and respect about finding solutions to help him deal with his emotions.

What ways would you have handled the child’s emotional outbursts? How would you speak your concerns with your supervisor to truly be heard about the challenges a teacher is facing in the classroom? How would you express your feelings about your concerns being pushed aside and not taken seriously?

Reference:

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

Communication Style

This week we had to evaluate ourselves with the use of 3 different communication assessments. They were communication anxiety inventory, verbal aggressiveness scale, and listening styles profile. I had 2 different people complete the assessments as well to see their perspective on my communication style and skills.

The one thing that surprised me the most about these assessment tests was the way I perceived myself and how others perceived my communication skills from the verbal aggressiveness scale. My results for this test was 62 which is at the moderate level that states, “You maintain a good balance between respect and consideration for others’ viewpoints, and the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of a position rather than the person holding that position (Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E., 2009, Verbal aggressiveness scale).” I had asked my Mother and best friend to complete these tests and their results were 68. Their results are at the moderate level as well, but it is close enough to the next level which is the significant level that states, “With little provocation, you might cross the line from “argumentativeness,” which attacks a person’s position or statements, and verbal aggression, which involves personal attacks and can be hurtful to the listener (Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E., 2009, Verbal aggressiveness scale).” I would never have thought that I would be an aggressive communicator and attack another person’s viewpoint or position.  I found it to be eye opening and to be aware of how I communicate my viewpoint with others. To be evaluated with the thought of being an aggressive communicator made me freeze and think could I be this kind of communicator and I think depending on the situation, I think I can come across as a strong and aggressive communicator towards another person in an unintentional manner.

The results I got for my communication anxiety and listening styles match my personality to a tee. I am a people-oriented person and validate others emotions that help support me on building relationships with others, but it can interfere with my judgement with trusting others completely at that initial meet and greet. I need to continue to be respectful towards others and validate their emotions, but give myself time to build a strong relationship with another person compared to trusting them with my complete heart (Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R., 2009, Listening styles profile). As an early childhood professional, being aware of this listening style will help me strengthen my ability to offer myself and another person the time to gain trust, understanding, and acceptance of our differences that will help me grow personally and professionally in my listening style skills.

My communication anxiety is somewhat concerned about the number of communication contexts, but not all communication contexts. I have a mid-point level of communication anxiety that would be called situational (Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E., 2009, Communication anxiety inventory). I have to agree that depending on the situation I am in will determine my anxiety level when communicating with another person. It makes me want to find different techniques and skills to relax in different communication settings in a personal and professional manner. It is important to understand my anxiety level when communicating with young children, their families, and other early childhood professionals. We are all here to work together in a collaboration manner and learn from each other to develop our communication styles and skills. Our experiences will impact the way we communicate with others through personal schemas that can stand in the way of overcoming differences with others through our communication styles and skills (O’ Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 37-38).

References:

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Perceiving the self and others. In Real communication: An

introduction (2nd ed.). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication anxiety inventory.

Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Verbal aggressiveness scale.

Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.)

(2009). Listening styles profile. Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Cultural Communication

I have come to acknowledge that I communicate with others differently, including those who are from different cultural groups.

I find that I speak with young children in a manner of respect and understanding of taking the time to learn their cultural language. I speak with young children in a tone that is calm and soothing. I speak with children at their level to show them I respect what they have to share and express towards others. I validate their feelings, their thought process, and their cultural differences from my own when I engage with the children in an early childhood program.

I find myself speaking with families in a manner of respect and understanding by learning about their culture from the family. I want to understand how they view the world around them and how their communication skills are different from my own culture’s communication skills. Once I have learned about their cultural communication skills, I will be able to incorporate these skills when connecting with these families. I will be able to put my personal beliefs, stereotypes, and prejudices towards other cultures aside to communicate with them at a respectful manner (O’ Hair & Wiemann, 2012, pp. 44-45).

I speak with colleagues and other early childhood professionals in a respectful manner and learn through their communication skills they have developed over years within the early childhood field. I try to follow their example of showing the other person I am solely focused on the conversation with them and I will not be distracted by outside sources. In each instant of communicating with others, I do find myself being respectful towards the information that needs to be shared between individuals and/or groups of people.

The strategies I have discovered that I have helped my communication be effective with others is understanding the platinum rule. The platinum rule is to treat others in a manner they would like to be treated (Beebee, S.A., Beebee, S.J., & Redmond, 2011, p. 114). Once a person is able to think and feel what another person thinks and feels is to go beyond by taking positive action towards others in response to empathic feelings (Beebee, S.A., Beebee, S.J., & Redmond, 2011, p. 114).

I have learned about the importance of intercultural communication that occurs between individuals or groups from different cultures communicate It is important to know that every person will communicate different amount of information with different cultures compared to their own cultures. The process is to listen and respond to people from different cultural backgrounds that can be challenging for all. Many misunderstandings and mistrust can affect daily communication with others from different cultural backgrounds (Beebee, S.A., Beebee, S.J., & Redmond, 2011, p. 97).

I have learned to become sympathetic towards others from different cultural backgrounds by understanding why they think and act in the manner they do from their perspective. As an early childhood professional, I think it is important to gain a sense of understanding of different cultural backgrounds of how they respond in various situations because they might not be the same way I would respond in the same situation. To respect these changes and differences will help early childhood professional’s communicate effectively with individuals and cultural groups that are different from their own cultural background.  

References:

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication and diversity: Adapting to others. In Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Perceiving the self and others. In Real communication: An

introduction (2nd ed.). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Skills

The television show I chose to watch was The Fosters. First I watched the episode with the sound off and then re-watched it with the sound on. I only made it through the first half of the show with the sound off before I had to restart it with the sound on. I could only make it halfway through the show because there were so many characters with various relationships that I was getting confused trying to follow all the different characters.

As I was watching the first scene which showed a teenage girl who was relaxed brushing her teeth when a teenage boy entered to brush his teeth. Both characters are comfortable in each other’s presence, relaxed, and used a focused eye contact throughout their conversation. Then another teenage girl enters the room abruptly to brush her teeth. She moves her weight back and forth from one foot to the other while her face speaks of being upset and frustrated. Another teenage boy enters the room to speak with one of the teenage girls and he has his arms crossed over his chest and seems annoyed. Throughout the conversation between the four teenagers, they are all looking at each other with their eyes and offer their support with a nod of their head or a simple gesture. To me, the relationship of these characters would be siblings that get along well with each other. The next scene shows two women in the kitchen getting ready for work. One is getting coffee for her travel mug well the other is cleaning and putting the leftover items from breakfast away. These women are relaxed, look at one another with their eyes, and offer caring caresses or gestures towards one another. They lean into each other and kiss each other goodbye. This relationship tells me these two ladies are in a relationship and a couple with multiple children in their care.

Once I had the sound back on and restarted, for the most part, my assumptions about the characters nonverbal communication skills. The first two teenagers were relaxed and actively listening to each other express their thoughts about new developments happening within the home and about school. When the other teenage girl enters she is frustrated and annoyed about the changes happening in the home and the need to find new dancers for her dance group. As the other teenage boy enters the group he is defensive about what is happening around him that will be changing. They all were in agreement that they did not like most of the possible changes happening in their home and had each other’s support to overcome the changes that will be happening. The two women are a married lesbian couple that have opened their house for foster children. They spoke about a meeting with someone regarding one of the children and were nervous and slightly concerned despite being relaxed, it’s why they used simple gestures to ease their mind. They supported each other through their body language, eye contact, and gestures that everything will be fine in the end. They shared a kiss and expressed their love for one another.

If I were watching a show I knew well I feel I would be able to pick up on the verbal and nonverbal communication skills being used by characters that I know well. When watching a show, you get pulled into their world and the characters become your reality. You know their thoughts, actions, and relationships with others without thinking about it. You know, you see it first hand and understand the reasoning’s behind their actions of their communication skills. Though at times they might surprise you and use their nonverbal communication skills to get across what they really want to say but use their verbal communication skills to contradict their nonverbal communication skills in the first place. It is knowing the characters and their actions that will help gather a better understanding of communications skills of how some people use their communication skills with others despite their relationship and context.  

References:

Johnson, J. (Writer). (2015, March 9). Justify the means [Television series episode]. In B. Bredeweg & P. Paige (Executive producers), The fosters, ABC Family.

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Verbal communication. In Real communication: An introduction (2nd ed.). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Nonverbal communication. In Real communication: An introduction (2nd ed.). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Listening. In Real communication: An introduction (2nd ed.). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Competent Communication

The person that I think about who demonstrates competent communication would be in co-teacher, Annie. She has been in the early childhood field for over 20 years and I respect the knowledge and understandings of the field she holds in the classroom. Annie speaks with other early childhood professionals in an appropriate and respectful manner. She takes the time to share what needs to be expressed in a calm and friendly manner. Then she will take the time for the person she is sharing the information for a moment to process the information before that person responses in a calm and friendly manner in return. Her body language is relaxed and at ease; when she speaks her tone of voice is calm and friendly, and looks at you when expressing her messages towards others. The way she communicates with staff members is the same manner she communicates with families, children, and other early childhood professionals that she works with on a daily basis. I see her confidence and professionalism of understanding and respect for others shine brightly through any conversation she has with another person. Annie greets every person with a “Good Morning,” a warm smile, and will ask you how are you today or how was your weekend?

I try to model similar communication with others that I interact with on a daily basis. I want to feel confident in the information I have to share with others, more specifically with young children, families, and other early childhood professionals. I greet everyone I see with a warm smile and a simple, but meaningful, “Hello, it is nice to meet you.” I try my best to push my shyness away and connect with my self-esteem and confidence when meeting new people. I make sure that I am aware of the tone of voice I use when speaking with others and that it comes across in a neutral understanding without any biases hidden and non-existent as best as possible. I am on a journey of learning about the best way to communicate with others and how to response appropriately to the messages coming my way in a supporting manner of self-discovery. I would like to have the confidence to speak with others that are intimating and closed off as well as those who have similar personalities and passion for working with young children and their families.  

Professional Hopes and Goals

I think about the various ways that I can continue to learn about young children and ways to support their families at the same time. I want to learn as much as I can on different topics in the early childhood field to help support young children and their families to be successful. I feel it is important to help young children and their families truly discover who they are as a person, within their culture, and how their experiences make up who they are in their own skin. The understanding and acceptance of who we are within the world around us will help us begin to discover how to work with others, how to interact with others, and how to response to others in a respectful manner. My one goal for the early childhood field would be to educate young children and their families, including other early childhood professionals the importance of diversity, equity, and social justices are what make a person unique and different from others and to learn from one another. I would make young children, families, and early childhood professionals to share their experiences and their culture with others to learn a way of life that is new to them and how it is important for others in their life in this world they live in. I want each person to know they are unique and valued by others for what makes them who they are is all that matters.

I want to take the time to thank my colleagues and professor for their support and knowledge to help me through this class. I learned by asking questions, sharing personal experiences of diversity and learned to take chances to make a difference by coming out of my shell to fell comfortable to talk about diversity with others. I want to share the knowledge I have gained from this course, my colleagues; thoughts, views, and beliefs on different subjects, and my professor for making me think outside the box. 

Welcoming Families From Around the World

As an early childhood educator within an Early Head Start Program, we have seen a great deal of diversities and cultural acceptances. I have seen similar cultures and diversities throughout my years and I have never connected with a family that came from the Philippines. As a teacher within the field, learning about a new child and family coming to the United States and being accepted into my program. There is a five-step preparation I would conduct to prepare for myself, the children, their families, and other early childhood professionals about the new family.

Step One: Research: I would research information regarding their country, their culture, and their customs to get a better sense of understanding about the child and their family. I would research their views and thoughts about education and their educational system to work with the differences between the educational systems in the United States.

Step Two: Language: I would take the time to learn simple words within their language and try my best to pronounce the words with their articulation then my own. I would label the classroom in their language to help support the child and family feel accepted in the classroom and program.

Step Three: Teaching and Learning Moment: I would share with my classroom about the findings of the Philippines and how they are different and similar to the dominant culture. I would collect music, books, and materials that represent the Philippines to the best of my ability. I would have the children in the program explore these materials and feel comfortable with them to support their peer with their transition to the classroom. It will show the family the efforts the teacher and the program put into making the family and child feel comfortable in a new place away from their one and only home.

Step Four: Meet the Family: I would want to meet the family and have an open conversation about their culture and customs that are a part of their live with an interpreter if needed. Share the culture within the program and speak openly about these differences. Take the time to listen to their thoughts, views, and beliefs, and needs of their child and their family.

Step Five: Invite: I would invite the family to the classroom to share their culture, customs, and materials that play a major role within their culture that has meaning to the family. Encourage the family to share their culture and customs with the children and staff within the program.

As an educator, I would hope these preparation steps will benefit myself and the family by beginning on a common ground of understanding one another. The relationship will be strong by the fact I took the time to get to know their culture, their customs, and their educational system to help guide the newest family within the program. It will make the family feel relaxed and comfortable to know a complete stranger took the time to learn about them and make them feel at home even though they feel completely out of their element. This family and educator will have a strong bond and understanding of respect and the knowledge to learn to make the other comfortable by being open and sharing intimate connected conversations to learn as much as they can from one another.